So, I have to get blood drawn every two weeks for one of the medications I’m on. The other day was a trans woman waiting in the lobby that was told to go to the next blood draw room. I heard the conversation and it wasn’t pretty. First of all, the team member (I don’t know their names) called her by her dead name. She asked to be called by her name. The team member refused to do so, and I’m sure she was affected by this. She had been let to leave and then that same team member came into my blood draw room all nice and cheery. I blatantly told him I heard everything he has said to her and thought it was appauling. He then took my blood without talking and didn’t even say goodbye.
Then, yesterday, just as a cute note. I was going through my starbucks and the person at the window had a lesbian flag pin and the lesbian colors around their neck. That made me happy 🙂
I got a birthday card today from my dad and my step-mom. Was thrilled they used my name on the envelope. Then I open the card and it’s addressed to my dead name. And the card was about me being a daughter. It was so soul crushing.
I don’t know what to do about it. I want to address it and talk to them about it, but part of me just wants to let it die. Perhaps I’ll address it with them the next time we see each other. I have a fear of them thinking I’m ungrateful for the gift certificate they gave me.
Well, I suppose I’ll live with it for a little more. But I will address it.
I’ve decided to not go to the Super Bowl party at my church. I know I should. I know I should be there to reassure people who have never gone to church how accepting they are. But I just… don’t want to go. I’m having issues with being around people right now.
So, it’s all social anxiety that’s controlling me, I believe. The thought of going somewhere with a lot of people is scaring me. My throat even closes up. I don’t want this to happen. So I’m staying home with my mom and grandmother and (maybe) watch the game. I’m such a jinx lol.
Oh, and I must tell you that I’m in a NW Suburb of Philly, so y’all know who I’m rooting for lol. There’s really no way to predict how this game is going to go, though. There really isn’t even a huge difference between them. In fact, both of them have great defenses. Have to see how it turns out.
Ok, off for today.
So, next Sunday is Superbowl and my church (yes, I said that I wouldn’t talk about religion, but it’s not about it and the church accepts me. anyway…) is hosting a Superbowl party. Mom is going to be going with me and I know she’s going to use my dead name in front of everyone who calls me my right name. I hate that I can’t get her to call me by name. She refuses to acknowledge it.
At the same time, maybe if she sees a lot of people calling me my name she’ll start to wonder if she should as well. I mean, my dad even tries (sometimes he forgets, but he corrects himself), so why can’t the parent I live with recognize their own child’s name? I guess I’ll just have to hope for the best. I’m just hoping she won’t confuse the congregation about what name to use.
At least the Eagles are in the Superbowl.
Well, it’s first post time. I just wanted to introduce myself and let you all know what content will be on this journal. My name is Fable and I’m non-binary and also have mental illnesses. These are the two things you’ll hear about mostly, but I’m also going to be talking about my daily life.
What you won’t hear is any talk about religion or politics because I’m honestly tired of fighting sometimes.
I live on the east coast of the USA with my mother and grandmother. Unfortunately,my mother doesn’t use my pronouns or name, which bothers me so much. My grandmother is 95, so I think I’d just confuse her, so I’ve never told her. She just knows that when mail comes for Fable it’s for me.
I love music the most in my life. tv too, but I could listen to music all day long. I listen to pretty much everything, but my favorites at this point in time are Billie Eilish and Halsey. But I also really love Shinedown, Breaking Benjamin, LIVE… and so much more. My playlist is ridiculous.
My favorite movie is the Boondock Saints. My favorite book would have to be Good Omens/Snowcrash. And, my favorite tv show, even if it’s off the air now, is Supernatural.
Well, that’s about it. I’m going to try to post here at least once a week, if not more. So goodbye everyone! Hope you have a great day!